CROYDON

All Very 1930's . . . . . .

'In 1953 shortly after arriving at LAP - Northside of course - the Appointer Charlie Scarf sent me on Detached Duty to Croydon, yes Croydon. I remember the concourse was in parquet with Smiths Bookstall equipped similar to that at Victoria Station. All very 1930's. The POs there included Eves, Griggs, Ted Bland and Charlie Pollard. Later in the day a flight arrived from Paris and as we were covering for Immigration, Charlie removed his uniform cap and dealt with the passengers. Then he replaced his cap walk over to the baggage bench and dealt with them again. All very official and no smiles. Later in my 3 weeks Charlie Eve received news that a helicopter was arriving at Gatwick. Did I know where Gatwick was? Yes Governor. Right on your bike. Fortunately my 'bike' was a low powered pop pop. At Gatwick I found the Bee Hive, a purpose built building for dealing with private aircraft. The helicopter put down on the apron and I duly dealt with  the pilot and his passenger and returned to Croydon.' - Gerry Parnham

GATWICK

Prayer Meetings . . . . .

'Arthur Taylor got a bit brassed off with some of the prayer breaks that were granted to some religions and organised prayer meetings in the BAA club at the Edgeworth. Now retired, he and some other ex APOs still gather for monthly prayer meetings at the Jack Fairman in Horley' amongst other venues. Much foaming water is annointed to the throat.' - Colin Poland

The 'Official' Mini

'Mention of the faithful Anglia reminded me of the original Waterguard boarding car at Gatwick Airport. It was 1962 and Jim Pain's rummage crew consisted of Anthony Paul and me.

The airport was very small with a single finger for passengers in and out, and the main carrier was British United which dealt mainly with troop movements. We asked the Board for an official car. The request was rejected, presumably because boarding was all done by foot. However despite the small size of the single terminal the airport covered a considerable area and a car at least for a rummage crew was necessary. This situation did not change the Board's decision. We the rummage crew were very jealous of the LAP mobile's Ford Consul which appeared on our patch occasionally. It was therefore decided that unilateral action was necessary and Anthony Paul suggested that the answer lay in his Morris Minor.

This vehicle was not in the first flush of youth being of the split windscreen variety, pretty rusty and probably hailing from the early fifties. It was a two door saloon although only the driver's door would open and it was not a reliable starter, although it was equipped with a starting handle. Despite these minor shortcomings conversion to a rummage car went ahead. A yellow light for the roof was obtained from a local scrap yard and BAA provided a flame trap box which was fixed to the back of the exhaust system. Amazingly BAA issued a tarmac pass for the vehicle. In this fine jalopy the rummage crew patrolled and occasionally defaulting aircrew or others were transported to the Boarding office or were whisked across the tarmac for searches of other premises. Keystone cops come to mind when I remember the pantomimes which ensued when the rummage crew and their 'suspects' all had to enter, be transported and then exit via the one functional door. Not forgetting that most trips were preceded by a few turns on the starting handle!

I am pretty sure that no mileage allowance was paid but as petrol was about 6/- a gallon perhaps that was a small price to pay for a vehicle which would carry the lads to the Aero Club for refreshment. I don't think that we caught many smugglers even with our enhanced mobility but I know that we were a very happy band of rummagers indeed.' - Alan Nicholls.

HEATHROW - LONDON AIRPORT

Waterguard Tales From 'Old London Airport' - 1963/5

 

Fixed At LAP

 

A Terminal Extension . . . . .

Arthur McAuslan & Politics

'In the very early days I recollect Arthur was wont to listen to radio Moscow. Russian was, I believe, one of his several languages. On one occasion a portly PO accused Arthur of being a communist. Arthur rose, fixed the offending officer with his eye while pointing a finger at him and said "When the Mongolians arrive, my dear, you will be the first to go. You will be rendered down to valuable fat and will feed the boilers in the Commissar's palace for one hour". You didn't bandy words with Arthur.' - Trevor Creese

 

Arthur McAuslan & The Indian Seizure Reward

'Arthur was truly memorable and was coming to the end of his career when I arrived at LAP in November 1972. Apart from being occasionally protected as one of his "children" I remember being told a story which was undoubtedly true, but of which I retain only some details:

Apparently Arthur was an extremely astute and successful Officer who somehow or another, in about 1953, found out about a gold smuggling operation going into India. All this information was passed on to the relevant authorities - whether through HM Customs directly or otherwise. Arthur then heard from an indirect source that not only had his information been correct and the gold had been found masquerading as part of the aircraft but the Indian government had authorised an ex gratia payment of £5000 - yes five thousand pounds.  He also found out that HMC&E had refused it on his behalf and had then in its usual manner completely forgotten to inform Arthur of this matter. 

From that point on Arthur "retired" from seizure work himself but always had young officers around him whom he would direct to passengers with the exhortation that "theers another smuggleer". And he was so often right.' - Colin Poland & others

 

Arthur McAuslan & Boarding

'I was at LHR in 1972 and worked alongside Arthur a number of times. He was a law unto himself when acting as the "Boarding Despatcher". He  ignored any arrival by an airline he had not heard of. I am pleased to say he was the bain of the Tarmac CPO at that time!' - Mike Millen

 

Arthur McAuslan & An Employer's Livery

'Arthur was a wonderful character, with a most remarkable command of the English language. One day Arthur had a disagreement with a BOAC captain, which got to the point where the captain asserted that the four rings on his sleeve made him superior to Arthur with only two. Arthur`s answer was a classic put-down. "Mr. Bloggs" he said - and airline captains don`t like this form of address - "may I remind you that I am wearing the Queen`s uniform. You are merely wearing your employer`s livery." - Gerry Lynch PO

 

Arthur MsAuslan v BEA

Whilst at LAP as an APO 1966-67, I was on Boarding duties with Arthur McAuslan and we went to a BEA Trident just arrived from Paris. To set the scene, it was at the time Harold Wilson was Prime Minister and Sir Anthony Millward was Chairman of BEA. BEA was a public corporation and Millward had just approached the Government for 20 million pounds to keep them afloat.

The Captain of this flight had declared a bottle of wine and Arthur duly assessed the Revenue as 2 shillings which the Captain thought excessive and passed a remark about not being happy at giving such a large amount to Arthur's Mr Wilson.

Having duly made out the Duty Slip and handed over the man's pink copy, Arthur said to him in his own style, ' Captain when you have a minute, perhaps you may wish to work out how many 2 shillings there are in the 20 million pounds YOUR Mr Millward wants MY Mr Wilson to give him to keep your airline afloat and you in a job! Good day Captain.

The Captain turned from pink to red then purple before leaving in a hurry. - Allen Sadler

 

The 'Squawk Box' & 'Bods and Bags'

Up to the middle 1950s, traffic at Heathrow was intermittent. Breaks were no problem, though they might not be taken at set times. Notice of imminent arrivals was given by 'squawk box' - an announcement system piped to all offices. During lulls in traffic it was necessary to keep someone in the baggage hall at all times to watch for the arrival of passengers and baggage, from which arose the cry, 'Bods and Bags' to call the rest of the staff from the retiring room. The squawk box disappeared with the opening of the central terminal area in 1955. It was replaced by the ticker tape system with which later Waterguard generations will be familiar. - Terry O'Mara

 

Jim Kendrick - The Button Hole

'In the late 1960's, I remember once in Terminal 3 at Heathrow, Jim Kendrick PO was wearing a carnation in his button hole - as was his want. The CPO on duty was 'Dicky' West who spied Jim and gave him a 'good public rollicking' with an instruction to remove the carnation immediately and that in future he was only to appear in the Baggage Hall wearing the uniform provided. Jim left the Hall only to return minutes latter wearing 'the uniform provided' - NO carnation, underwear or shoes, socks, shirts or tie BUT wearing a cap, waistcoat, jacket, trousers, raincoat and greatcoat!' - Trevor Tomasin

 

Jim Kendrick - Uniform

'Jim Kendrick again. Jim appeared for duty in Terminal 1 properly attired, except that he was wearing a red tie.  This was in the days when we provided our own shirts and ties. Taken to task by 'Dicky' West CPO, Jim claimed that his dog had chewed his only black tie and he couldn`t afford another one until overtime day.' - Gerry Lynch PO

 

The 'National'

'Apparently the first National flight to arrive at Heathrow had lots of wonderful bar boxes all of which were properly presented, but no facility for a seal, so someone was sent for to remedy this omission. Naturally this all took time so the officers were invited to partake of breakfast while the problem was solved. Promises were made that the next day all would be well. Except it wasn’t, so the procedure was repeated. And again. And again. After about a week all seemed to be well, but the stage was set and remained so for many years (probably until Pan-Am took over National)' - Colin Poland

 

Pan Am Bar Boxes

'The Pam-Am crew were nothing if not keen to get off the aircraft, both at LHR - and later at LGW - and so often forgot to account for the spare bar that was carried in the hold, which meant that one way or another they lost a lot of bar boxes. Management of the airline seemed totally unconcerned about the situation until they realised that they were actually running out of the things because we had about 500 of them tucked away! There were far too many to get in the lock up and they were stored outside the boarding office where they became quite a hazard to navigate round at night due to a lack of lighting.'  - Colin Poland 

 

The Smuggling Nun

'There were two or three 'seizure kings' at Heathrow who swapped on to a morning watch in Terminal 3 whenever possible for more than their share of the pickings. One day, with no swap forthcoming, one of them was forced to do an evening watch in Terminal 2. With much banter about his bad luck, he accepted a bet that he could get a good seizure at any time, in any Terminal even if we selected the flight but the proviso that he selected the passenger. We waited until the end of the shift and chose an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin - the money was ours! The usual mixture of Businessmen, Nuns, Priests and 'brickies' filed in to the baggage hall to collect their luggage. "That one there - with the glasses" he said. We made space and watched incredulously as he challenged the Nun! . . . . "Nothing to Declare" she said, and he began to search her suitcase. We lost our bet - she was carrying 5 or 6 cartons of Irish cigarettes for her parish priest!' - Trevor Tomasin

 

Cash Register Confusion

'This story shows the "esprit de corps" and commonsense approach to the rulebook and concerned the introduction of cash registers into the Customs hall for the first time. A big thing was made of their reliability and it was made clear that the machines, Sweda, I think they were, could not be wrong. As some will recall, there was one machine between four PO's working on a bay and a lot of the lads were on DD from all over the country like myself.

The procedure regarding mistakes in collection of the revenue was very strict. The matter had to be reported and an advance for revenue purposes claimed and the "mistake" was noted on the particular officer's record. You can imagine during a busy watch that nobody could remember individual transactions and the key to the till was passed freely around the officers on the bay relying on the honesty of one's colleagues. If there was a discrepancy at the end of a watch, rather than go through the rigmarole of official procedures, all concerned would put their hands in their pockets and make up any shortfall. As most were on high rate subsistence and the amounts were generally small  this was not a hardship.

This system worked well until one day one till was about twenty quid out at the end of a watch and the PO who had the till key insisted that the till had made an error and refused to pay. The matter was reported in the official procedure and the powers that be advised the PO that the tills could not make a mistake but would have this particular one checked by a Sweda engineer. (To prove the PO wrong was probably the motivation!). However, the engineer found that, yes indeed, the till was making errors and the PO was vindicated. I cannot now recall the till number, but the story about that particular till went round LAP like wildfire and the number of people who had put their hands in their pockets because of  it was legion. The Board had made a fortune out of the lads' esprit de corps! - Ronald Bann PO

 

Thank you . . . . . ?

'When they were first introduced, and for the first couple of days, they still had the trial till-rolls in them. Much amusement  -  for on the reverse was "Thank you for your custom, please call again"! - Andrew Moore

 

Red Faces in the Box

This story concerned, I think, Roy Hendy and one other who stopped a very attractive girl wearing a crocheted powder blue woollen mini-dress and found she was carrying some very expensive jewellery which she had not declared. It transpired that the lassie was an international call-girl and was returning from New York after an assignment. She was taken to an interview room to conclude proceedings.

After some time both PO's emerged from the "box" red-faced and giggling, for some air. It seems that instead of them offering the girl the option, as the questioning proceeded she began to slide down in her chair which caused her mini-dress to slide in the opposite direction. She looked them straight in the eyes with a "what can we do about this situation" look, leaving no doubt about her proposed solution to the matter. This caused the premature exit from the "Box" as the two POs could contain themselves no longer. - 'Ronald Bann PO

 

Bill Dickinson Rules . . . . . .

When I left Shoreham in 1972 my CPO, Jock Cameron, sent a message onwards advising that I was fairly incapable of completing my 201 (overtime form) the first and maybe even the second time correctly.

Bill, who was Der Obergruppenfuhrer of OT payments obviously took this to heart. As you may remember, each month there was a list of 201 (later known as the 838) miscreants which was posted on the notice boards in each terminal and the boarding station. I have the proud, singular and only record of being THE OFFICER who each month was on there, so much so that Bill Dick photocopoied the list with my name already included. On the rare occasion I got it correct he used the same copied paper with my name lightly crossed out at the top.

There was a man with style, but he never forgave me for tearing up the baggage primes one day when Hayley got all PMTish about my presentation of  the money and docs. I was verbalised by the big white chief of the day and made to spend at least an hour sticking them all together again. I had made a good job of it . . . Colin Poland

'Dicky' West at his Best.

'As a newly appointed Assistant Preventive Officer to Heathrow and being keen, I arrived at Teminal 3 for my 8/4 watch at about twenty to eight. This was in fact due to the bus service in reality.

Walking into the Baggage Hall I spied the CPO - who I later learned was 'Dicky' West - in full flow heading straight towards me and we had a conversation along the following lines:

'Dicky': "What time do you call this?"

Me: "Sorry but I'm not sure what you mean.

'Dicky': "What time is it?"

Me: "Twenty to eight."

'Dicky': "What shift are you on today?"

Me: "Eight to four Boss."

'Dicky': then somewhat flustered: " I thought you were the 7/3 APO who hasn't arrived."

Off he went at a rate of knots into his office much to the amusement of the nearby PO's. - Allen Sadler

 

No Knowledge

'I was transferred to London Heathrow in March 1966 - October 1967 as a PO against my will. Our shifts were designed to give staff a long week end off every 4 or 5 weeks enabling me to return to my family in Liverpool for a few days. There was always a Board's File containing a passenger's complaint waiting in our lockers following such a break. On one occasion a fellow  PO found he was the last on the list to reply and signed 'No knowledge'. He was told in no uncertain terms by an enraged CPO that he must be the officer concerned as he was the last on the list and all before him had signed 'No knowledge'. - Bob Palin

 

No Board's File Generated . . . . . .

'I was thinking of the 5 'Cs' of passenger's baggage the other day but am one short - clean hands, concessions, courtesy, control . . . . .  The other escapes me but control - or loss of it - reminds me of an incident I had with an arrogant German exporter. He did not declare some miniatures of spirits and objected to paying the tax. Things quickly became very heated and many subjects were brought up including ancestry until finally he demanded to know what I knew of German industry. I told him the Germans had invented the most efficient machines known to turn man into soap and fertilizer. He was speechless. Sadly no transfer out of London and no Board's File generated.' - Bob Palin

Sky Marshals

'Sky Marshals operated on board US airline flights during the early 1970s and an officer was assigned to ensuring the official custody of an alarming variety of weapons. Automatic pistols, revolvers of calibres which if ever fired on board a pressurised aircraft would have resulted in its complete destruction, knuckle dusters, blackjacks - a sort of lead-filled cosh, daggers, knives and handcuffs. This and other diversions demanded the provision of calming measures and the fish tank, along with 'mitties', went some way to mitigating the daily pressures.' - Denis Atkinson

A budding John Wayne

'There was a small unroofed room with a mirror in it in which the sky marshals could 'divest' themselves of their weaponry, which was myriad in its variety. After unloading himself the sky marshal would present himself with his assorted goodies to the APO in the lockup where the arms and ammunition would be placed in separate four drawer filing cabinets. When the sky marshal departed the reverse operation took place.

Unfortunately one day a budding John Wayne got it all wrong and having - he thought! - unloaded his weapon he tried to 'outdraw' himself against the mirror. No-one was injured by the bullet which smashed the bottom corner of the mirror, but once it had ricocheted off the mirror and flown round the office it spangled past the female office typist and buried itself in a filing cabinet . . . . . She fainted!

As I recall the little office was lined with sandbags thereafter but memory dims with age and I cannot remember more.' - Colin Poland

 

The Elephant Gun

'I remember the time that Barney Hayhoe discharged an elephant gun in the Northside Baggage Hall circa 1952. There were no  injuries. The Lock Up there had a heavy armour plate door with the old fashioned heavy Warehouse type lock.' - Gerry Parnham

 

'Wagon Train'

The Office PO Len Richardson would amuse us when the hall was full of the 'Wagon Train' Pan Am flight by opening the door and slamming it shut with the words 'And  you stay there 'til Sunday' or some such.' - Gerry Parnham

'Are They Real?'

'On a shift in Terminal 1 I was manning a till in the Red Channel next to a PO who, like me, was diminutive in stature but what he lacked in this respect was more than compensated by a louche reputation of international renown.  

A statuesque blonde presented herself before this officer. She was a well-endowed young woman and wore jeans with an 'ammunition' belt. Without averting his gaze from her chest, he asked: 'Are they real?'. The young girl became very flustered until the officer explained he was referring to the bullets in her belt and a fit of the giggles broke out between the two. 

Many of you may have guessed the identity of the officer and in all my service I never met another who could get away with such bare faced cheek with impunity.' - Denis Atkinson

 

A Pain in the Neck

'Terminal Three in the mid 60’s was pretty quiet between 1 & 3pm. It was common practice for the 7 -3 watch to go for lunch at 1pm and not return. There was one CPO who would let it be known that he expected to see the 7-3 watch after lunch! Bob Dover was always the first away and that day the CPO wanted to know where he was. I advised him that Bob had gone off duty feeling unwell. “He didn’t see me or leave me a note” was the reply.

I lived round the corner from Bob and called and told him what had transpired. “Oh, I should have left a note, should I” said Bob. Next day Bob went and saw the CPO concerned and handed him a note. The note Read: “I regret I had to leave work early yesterday as I was suffering from a severe pain in the neck!' - Geoff Travis

My time at LAP . . .  

'I had audiometric tests at the BOAC medical centre while at LAP. The ground crew's referred to me as the “Mickey Mouse” Customs Officer because I always wore the bulbous ear defenders!

When BAA started requiring us to carry ID cards issued by them, I upset George Morrison, the Higher Waterguard Superintendant by writing to the Journal asking the question “What is your Commission worth?" Happy days!' - Sam MacLeod

'Sarnies' with a Spoon . . . . . . !

'I have just been looking at some of Pete Shea’s cartoons and it brought to mind an amusing incident which occurred on a 3/11 Boarding Watch. I was working with another PO, who for delicacy shall remain nameless. It was early evening and he had not brought any pack-up.

We boarded a BEA Trident from Paris and as luck would have it, there were some sandwiches left in the galley and we were invited to help ourselves. I had already eaten but my colleague was anxious to partake of the offer and went into the passenger cabin to look for a suitable receptacle in which he could carry off his bounty. Back at the Boarding Office, we took a short break and my voracious colleague tucked into his sandwiches which he had brought off the aircraft in a paper sick bag which he had found in one of the aircraft seat wallets.

He devoured the contents with great gusto but as he got towards the bottom of the bag, he noticed that the sandwiches were becoming increasingly soggy and the stench of vomit suddenly filled the Boarding Office. Unbeknown to him, the sick bag had previously been used by a passenger on the flight!

As news of this event spread throughout the Office, it was only a matter of time before a ‘Pete’ cartoon appeared on the Notice Board depicting the said Officer partaking of his sarnies with a spoon!' - Denis Atkinson

 

Passing Through

'When I was fixed at LAP in 1962 as an APO, the North Side was still open - for about a month - until Terminal 3 came into operation. I remember a conversation at that time between the old hands, as they were, discussing tales of the old North Side. This is one such tale:

An irate and impatient passenger, who turned out to be Randolph Churchill, Winston's obnoxious and unpleasant son, approached the bench. When the PO began to question Randolph he growled "This place is the asshole of hell!", which, knowing the old North Side, was a graphic but not entirely inaccurate description of the place! The PO smile sweetly and politely replied "Yes sir, just passing through, are you?" What happened after that was never mentioned.' - Peter Billing

NB. There are many versions of the anecdote - this is the earliest version so far . . . . .

 

Cooked Meat

'At LHR I tried to avoid the criminal classes and spent as much time as possible on the Tarmac. My one and only seizure while stationed at Heathrow was four-and-half pounds of uncooked meat. Having seized the meat and sent the traveller packing I retired to the back office to do the paperwork. The duty 'New Senior Officer' was himself seized by my actions. Apparently at LHR only such ranks could make a seizure. I assured the exploding gentleman that I was innocent of an attempt to usurp his special status and would in future make a beeline for his office clutching any uncooked meat I inadvertantly found. Alas that was in deed my one and only LAP seizure!' - Mike Millen

 

Famous People

'During the late 1950's I was amazed to look up, one day, to see I was clearing Adlai Stevenson who, a few years previously, had lost the US Presidential election to Eisenhower. I thought "a few more votes on the day and he would have had the red carpet treatment and been cleared in the private lounge". As it was he was being cleared by a lowly APO' - Allan Shaw

 

The End

'In the final chaos of reorganisation Luton Airport became forgotten. Before reorganisation it was part of the London Waterguard Division which, as a 'bucket and spade' passenger port during the summer, had been staffed on Detached Duty by newly promoted POs waiting to be assigned to their new posts. After reorganisation it was to become part of the Northampton Collection which had no experience of Waterguard work or passengers.

No provision was made for any extra summer staff at Luton Airport . . . . . . . . about April 1972 the penny dropped.

I was an APO at Heathrow at the time, having passed the EO promotion exercise but awaiting the results of the reorganisation posting exercises, when I was asked if I would volunteer for DD on temporary promotion at Luton. Negotiations with a now desperately panicking management, who wanted the reorganisation to run smoothly at all costs, resulted in about 8/10 weeks at Luton Airport, all on the higher rate of subsistence! until my posting to Exeter VAT came through in the summer.' - Trevor Tomasin

RAF ABINGDON

Just 'Dropping in'

'I recall an incident at RAF Abingdon in the early 1960's when the resident PO sought  help from the Heathrow mobile in dealing with some 500 or so NATO troops coming for an exercise on Salisbury Plain.

On our arrival at RAF Abingdon we discovered that the resident PO had gone to RAF Benson on another errand, and that the NATO troops were all ours! Facilities proved to be a trifle spartan, but we then discovered that these NATO troops were all para's and that they were literally 'dropping in' with just their kit.

At the appointed hour bodies started to drop all over the airfield at an alarming rate. We took shelter and pondered on our next step. The solution came from a para RSM who suggested that if he were to form the troops up into threes and march them past us then perhaps honour might be satisfied. All that was missing was the band!

This seemed to us to be an excellent idea, so we took the salute in the true spirit of NATO comradeship as they marched off into the sunset - we repaired to the officers mess. My old Flight Sergeant would have been proud of me! - Tony West.

RAF BENSON

Polished off!

'We visited RAF Benson as part of our 'outports week' when I was a member of the Heathrow rummage crew in the late 1960s. I remember once walking down a corridor between some offices and the main part of the cargo hanger and hearing a voice behind me shout 'Hey you'. I knew it couldn't be me - I was a Customs officer in uniform! The shout was repeated. I turned to see a red faced Sergeant and asked 'Are you speaking to me?'

The Sergeant, still at high volume, continued to harangue me with an 'order' to continue my journey by shuffling along on two of the pieces of felt that littered the highly polished floor. When he had finished, I pointed out my uniform was that of a commissioned Customs officer and therefore he should have greeted me 'Hey you, Sir' and that my commission made no mention of 'cleaning duties'!

I continued my journey feltless, leaving the Sergeant open mouthed and speechless.' - Trevor Tomasin

 

RAF BLACKBUSHE

A day in the country!

'One story from the Heathrow Mobile days. The CPO Blackbushe obtained information that in one of the villages nearby was a young lady of dubious morals who entertained US Service personnel from the unit based at Blackbushe who arrived at her residence with large amounts of booze and baccy and left without the said goodies in the morning. We were to investigate. We duly attended the village armed with just her name 'Christine' and the fact she was a 'looker'. Our investigation was a wash-out, no trace. I even chattered up an elderly lady who was weeding her front garden with some cock and bull story about looking for the girlfriend of a friend of mine - we were in civvies by the way - but although I got a number of useful addresses and tips on the behaviour of certain of the villages womenfolk, there was no girl by that name. A good day out in the country anyway.' - Gerald Williams

 

Trust no one . . .

'The American detachment at Blackbushe was, if the memory hasn’t let me down, US Navy and they had a unit stuck away in a corner of the airfield. The CPO didn’t exactly distrust his staff, but he thought they were too friendly with the Yanks in as much as they all drank in the same pub, played darts etc. together and were on very good terms.He suspected that his lads were not too zealous in checks they were supposed to make on the Brits working in the US corner and that maybe goodies were being handed over.

He instructed us, the Heathrow MRC - Fred Griffith PO, Pete Sayers and myself to survey the area in civvies, unknown to his staff, and at going home time appear in uniform and do some spots checks on the Brits as they left.  This we did, changing from civvies into uniform in the official car half hidden in some bushes. The checks produced nothing. As soon as we had stopped the first car all the others turned round, went back into the base and dumped any goodies. After a short while we left to return to Heathrow. However we had not concealed the car enough because some old lady had seen us surveying the base in civvies, then changing into uniform in the car, and thought it all a bit strange. 

She telephoned the police who contacted the Waterguard both at Blackbushe and Heathrow to enquire if they had an exercise on going. No one but John White, the Blackbushe CPO and ourselves knew about it so the police were told no. They got very excited about it all and had police cars chasing all over the place looking for this bunch of impostors who were obviously up to no good! We heard all about it when we got back to the North Side at Heathrow, and for a while everybody kept a very, very low profile.' - Gerald Williams 

 

RAF BOVINGDON

Who's in charge here?

'After RAF Hendon closed in 1958, I covered all the leave and sick relief's at the US bases at RAF Bovingdon and RAF Northolt. On my first such visit to RAF Bovingdon, my attention was immediately drawn - you could not possibly miss it! - to an enormous sign outside the entrance to the Customs building that showed the RAF emblem emblazoned "RAF BOVINGDON". This apparently was put up at the suggestion of the two resident Preventive Officers, Messrs Dave Cooper and Pete Berner and to which they occasionally pointed during the course of an altercation.' - Julian Metcalfe

RAF HENDON

Clearance inwards UK style!

'I took up the vacancy at RAF Hendon in 1951 when control passed from London Port to London Airport. Shortly after my arrival, I was received a message that the CO of the US Naval Air Squadron, based on the other side of the airfield, wanted to speak with me. I ignored the invitation to visit him in his office, but having been briefed by my predecessor, I replied that I was generally in my office during gentlemens' hours and that no appointment was necessary other than a brief 'phone call to ensure that I was available. He duly turned up and after the usual sweet nothings, he came to the point, which was to say that a great deal of time was wasted in having to bring every aircraft over to the Customs area for foreign clearance and requested me to attend at his base. I replied that the authority for Customs clearance at RAF Hendon specifically laid down the place where clearance would be granted and that I had neither the authority, nor the inclination to alter this arrangement.

He never spoke to me again after this! - Julian Metcalfe

 

The 'back door' method . . . .

'At RAF Hendon, the US Navy had their own entrance on the North side of the airfield and occasionally I used this if it happened to be convenient. In such cases, I was in uniform and was able to produce my commission. On one occasion a large man with a large firearm stood guard over me while the Duty Officer was sent for. On arrival, he took one look at me, then said to my detainer "When I said stop everybody without a pass, I didn't mean the Goddamned Customs Officer" .

This is the one and only time I ever received any sort of apology from our American visitors.' - Julian Metcalfe

UPPER HEYFORD

Pizza

'I was a member of two Heathrow rummage crews in the late 1960s - one with Sam 'Wee Free' MacCloud PO and the other, a more enjoyable rummage crew, with Harold Mitchell PO. We regularly visited Upper Heyford during our 'outports week'. I remember the first visit when, at teatime in the Officers Club and being hungry, we ordered a pizza each! Big mistake, they were the size of a trucks hub caps - one between us would have been more than enough.' - Trevor Tomasin

 

'Honky'

'During a winter visit with the Heathrow rummage crew, I was walking back to the Waterguard office from another building in the dark, when I inadvertently stepped over the 'red line' surrounding a F-111 kept at readiness and armed. 'Hold it "Honky"' said an unseen voice from the blackness to the accompanying sound of a weapon being 'cocked'. I froze, stammered 'Customs & Excise, I'm going to the Office' and stepped back a pace or two. 'Go to the right'. I did - smartly!' - Trevor Tomasin

 

Riding a 'Crocked Horse' to Banbury Cross

'On my last trip with the Heathrow rummage crew, we were running short of petrol for the journey back and stopped at a garage in the wilds of Oxfordshire. While we waited for the petrol tank to be filled, we looked in the window of a dilapidated showroom and to our surprise saw a Ferrari for sale. 'Are you interested?' said the man who had operated the pump. You bet we were - the Ferrari was wearing French number plates!

That resulted in a seizure, the drive of my life through the lanes to Banbury - in a badly misfiring Ferrari that no one else wanted to drive due to the flames from the exhaust! - and a court case at Banbury Magistrates' Court where 'Their Honours' heard all the evidence in full, regardless of the guilty plea - to get the experience of a 'Customs' case - and fined the defendant, a US Visiting Forces dependent, the maximum penalty allowed.' - Trevor Tomasin

 

On the 'verge' of success!

'I was in the Heathrow MRC with Denis Betts PO & Tony Gardiner APO in October 1967. Denis had been told by the Manager of the AFEX shop that he suspected that some of the UK staff in the shop were pinching perfumes etc. Denis decided to do a stop and search when the staff finished work. We parked up the Rummage Car (unmarked) opposite the exit from the shop. Unfortunately Tony parked the car on the grass that was the Station Commander's pride and joy. Next thing we know we are surrounded by USAF Military Police pointing automatic weapons at us and were ordered out of the car. We had the usual problem of only having our Commissions, although Denis had the Writ in case we needed to visit any homes.

Denis went off to placate the Commander whilst we sat in the car under the supervision of the MPs. Meanwhile the shop staff all went home oblivious of their lucky escape. We never did a return trip to check them.' - Ted Wingrove